April 2007 - Posts

The Unkempt Teenager: A Dream

One of the things that Elias talks about is exposure; the opening of oneself and one’s energy. Exposure requires acceptance of all aspects of Self; acceptance meaning non-judgment. About a week ago a friend from the blueflash web site emailed me stating that he had dreamed about me the night before. I had been thinking recently about re-reading my old dream log; an impulse that I had not acted upon. I emailed my response to him then went downstairs and dragged out my dusty dream log.

From 1992 until 1998 I was in the throes of intense dream recall. I had already read all of Seth and in an attempt to link Seth’s information to what had gone before I began an intensive study of CG Jung, Joseph Campbell, The Tao Te Ching and all things Eastern, Houston Smith and the study of religion, etc. I must have read hundreds of books. I tell you this by way of background and where I was psychologically and spiritually at the time. I am going to share a dream I had on October 5, 1993 and exactly how I interpreted it at the time I had it. The interpretation is heavily Jungian, but laced with my understanding of the Seth material. Also, by way of background, you should know who Tyler is. He is my oldest son and at the time of the dream he was nineteen years old. When he was ten his mother and I divorced. Tyler is exceptionally bright and physically gifted and yet he barely made it through highschool due to alcohol and drug problems. I love him, have always accepted him and in many ways have seen a reflection of myself in him. With that said, here is the dream exactly as I wrote it down the morning after having it.

I was atop a mountain with Tyler. At the top was a small cave and in it was an unkempt teenager in black leather, long greasy hair, and dirty teeth. I was intimidated by him and noticed a carving in the cave. He said he carved it and that it was easy. He took out a small, but very sharp pen knife with his greasy hands and began carving what looked like a large shinny horse chestnut about five feet high. He again mentioned how easy it was and began making cuts on the chestnut, exposing the white meat underneath the protective brown shell. He offered me the knife so that I could try, but I refused, being afraid of him. There seemed to be two of him, one further back in the cave. The first one asked if I had change for a dollar. I think he was going to wash his clothes in a Laundromat. I gave him three quarters, two dimes and a nickel, but he wanted four quarters and asked Tyler for the other quarter. He then asked who gets the two dimes and a nickel and I told him to give it to Tyler.

That’s the dream and this is how I worked it, exactly as written at the time. I would work the dream differently now, but then I am different now. The associations I had with the dream symbols that resonated the most with me are in bold.
Associations:
Mountain: center – majestic – power – strength – sturdy – central mountain as in Black Elk Speaks – obstacle to overcome.

Tyler: love – problem – pain – hurt – anger – my own perceived inadequacies – my perceived failure as a parent – guilt – fear.

Small Cave: dark – scary – shelter – the unknown – primitive –a place that harbors dangerous animals – the unconscious (maybe not, because the cave is small.)

Unkempt Teenager: Unfinished – not properly trained or brought up – emotional problems – repressed – potentially dangerous – much room for improvement – in need of some love and rehabilitation.

Carving Sculpture: art – work – beauty – takes time – creativity – patience – a process.

Sharp Pen Knife: has many uses – versatile – potentially dangerous, but useful – cuts and makes one bleed – I seem to be afraid of the knife in the hands of the teenager.

Horse Chestnut: seed – the potentiality for growth – food – future chestnut tree is contained in the seed, but the conditions must be right for the tree to grow.


Dollar: money – something to pay out – something you are given in return for work – wholeness – buys things – needed for material things - green – paper.

Laundromat: inconvenient, but a place where you can get your things clean – to wash – time consuming – dirty laundry – clean laundry.

3 Quarters, two dimes and a nickel: the fourth quarter of the quarternio (a Jungian term signifying wholeness) is not whole – unbalanced – unequal – unsymmetrical.

4 Quarters: symmetry – the whole is separated into four equal parts – the Quarternio.

Dynamics (of the Symbols):
Mountain: My central self – there is a part of me that is immovable, solid and unshakable, and stands above or as an anchor for all the rest. What is that part of me? Could it be my belief in the unity of all things? Could it be my central core, who I am? The most anchored part of my life right now is my belief in God and my oneness with God.

Tyler: I think guilt is primary here and because of it I experience the anger, the fear and the pain that I see in Tyler. Immaturity also in not taking responsibility for my actions or owning my feelings. Tyler may represent my own inner adolescent although I still think it’s guilt because there’s another symbol in the dream, the unkempt teenager, that fills this role.

Small Cave: That part of my unconscious that I’m afraid of. Not the whole unconscious, but a small part of it that I’m afraid to look at. What part is that? Maybe it’s fear itself. Maybe it’s my fear of truly revealing myself and how I feel, because I don’t trust those I love to accept me. It’s the part of me that I don’t want to look at.

Unkempt teenager: My own undeveloped, untutored adolescent may be that part of my unconscious that I’m afraid to look at. It’s obvious that this person needs some work, however. He doesn’t seem to know how to clean himself. He may be the part of me that holds back the truth; that acts as a teenager sexually, i.e. immaturely. He will remain this way unless I get him or give him some help. Fear of being scolded and likes to do whatever pleases him without regard for others.

Carving, Sculpture: A piece of work, in this case, that is in the process of being completed. That part of me that I’m currently working on. My spiritual side. My intuitive side. My feeling side. It’s odd that the unkempt teenager is the one doing the sculpting. Maybe these aspects of myself can’t come to completion until I bring the unkempt teenager in me into the process. I must acknowledge him.

Sharp Pen Knife: Something that can be used for good or bad in myself. Without training and/or discipline the knife can just as easily cut and make me bleed as it can create a work of art. The knife represents a tool I must learn to use in creating this aspect of myself. What is that Tool? Could it be listening without judgment?

Horse Chestnut: There is a fully formed being within myself that is waiting to be created. It’s possible that this inner adolescent can only be brought to completion, i.e., adulthood, by working on the adolescent in myself. Strong connection between my future growth and the inner adolescent and his energy, which seems to frighten me.

Dollar: The unkempt teenager doesn’t just demand four quarters. He asks for change for a dollar – a fair exchange. The unkempt teenager has the wholeness that I need and I am holding the change that he needs to “clean” himself. But, I don’t have the right change.

3 Quarters, Two Dimes and a Nickel: One quarter of what is needed to complete the unity is missing or not in the right form. I don’t have it, but I give what is needed (2 dimes and a nickel) so that the unkempt teenager can exchange it fairly for the 4th quarter. I have the dollar, the unity, the wholeness, but can’t complete the picture and make it real without help. I have to turn to my inner Tyler (fear, guilt, anger) who will provide the 4th quarter so that the unkempt teenager can begin this process of growth.

4 Quarters: The quarternio, my inner totality. In this dream I think the 4 quarters speaks to the fact that the wholeness or unity is made up of four equal parts. One of the dominant archetypes working in my life contains the key to helping another aspect of my life. I must release fear, guilt and anger in order to allow the energy to flow through my inner adolescent so he can grow to adulthood.

Laundromat: That place in myself where inner work can take place. This must be the spirit or soul level. Cleaning or metamorphosis of the shadow into light can only take place if one consciously confronts the inner issues of life. But, you must have the proper change – not just any combination works.

Overall Interpretation:
Part of my center, being, self is occupied with the negative energy of guilt, fear and anger, but primarily guilt. These negative energies are represented by Tyler. A part of myself, occupying the whole, is unfinished, untutored and ignored. He is that unkempt teenager, who is full of raw energy and creativity. Because I’ve ignored him, he holds back the truth, is self-centered and lies for his own benefit. Although I’m afraid of him he’s not threatening me and senses my fear and distrust. I sense much of my creative energy is tied up in this untutored adolescent. I need to begin listening to him and consciously directing his growth. In this way the knife in his hands will be used creatively rather than destructively.

My fear of this energy or distrust of it has kept me from accepting the tool that would unlock the growth of the seed (my own growth). My growth will be halted until I can connect with this troubled teenager within. I need to outgrow my childish habits of not being open just to avoid conflict. Growth and creativity will not occur until my protective ego-shell is removed. I want to ignore the problem, but it won’t let me. Seeing another unkempt teenager further back in the cave indicates that growth can only be obtained by meeting and confronting all of my hidden and repressed unkempt teenagers.

This part of me seemed to want to change and be recognized. He saw my fear, but he, other than being dirty, was friendly. He was willing to pay for his freedom, a fair exchange; his wholeness in exchange for what I have that is keeping him from it. Four quarters for a dollar; nothing lost. I have to turn to that part of myself that is guilty, fearful and angry in order to provide my immature teenager what he needs to grow. This part of myself has the key, the fourth quarter.

The inner, neglected adolescent continues to show good faith by offering the two dimes and a nickel that I gave him for the quarter he needs for completion. If fear, guilt and anger lets go they will metamorphose into a quarter, but separately they are just small change. I had been the one who had unknowingly invested guilt, fear and anger with the power of one whole segment of the quarternio and it was I, in my dream, who had the unkempt teenager give them what they were really worth, small change.

Once I work on ridding myself of guilt, fear and anger, only then can my creative energy, which is locked and unsculpted in my unkempt teenager, be unlocked. Only the can he head for the Laundromat.

I had this dream nearly fourteen years ago and I’m happy to report that my unkempt teenager has made his way to the Laundromat and is now fully integrated into my life. I see many things in this dream that I didn’t see then, but the dream has wrought it magic and will continue to do so. Like a parable our dreams have many layers to them. This one is working on the me that I am now, as it remains active in my psyche.
Bill Marshall
Posted 15 April 07 08:10 from 21st Century Reality | 0 Comments